#89: Michael Mendizza
In this episode, Dr. Tom Cowan is joined by filmmaker, author, and long-time advocate of conscious parenting, Michael Mendizza, for a deep exploration of child development, identity, and education. Rather than a standard interview, the conversation unfolds as a philosophical and personal dialogue about Dr. Cowan’s book "Commonsense Childrearing: Unconventional Wisdom for a Nourished Childhood" and broader questions of how we raise children.
Core Themes:
- Parenting as a Relationship of Trust and Friendship: Mendizza emphasizes that parenting should be grounded in trust and treating children as best friends, guiding rather than shaping them through authority. He argues that children are inherently whole, not blank slates, and that our role is to support their unfolding rather than impose cultural norms.
- The "Inner Game" of Parenting: Drawing from sports psychology, especially The Inner Game of Tennis, Mendizza proposes that successful parenting depends on our inner worldview and self-image. If we are attuned and authentic, parenting flows naturally without rigid techniques or control.
- Cultural Conditioning and the False Self: The conversation critiques how modern parenting imposes prohibitive cultural images and expectations onto children, stifling their natural development and replacing their authentic identity with a socially constructed one. This is linked to broader philosophical ideas from Krishnamurti, Joseph Chilton Pearce, and even quantum physics metaphors.
- The Power of Play and Attunement: Real learning and development, Mendizza argues, happen through play and attunement — being truly present with the child. Parenting, then, becomes an improvisational, joyful dance where both parent and child grow.
- Critique of Modern Educational and Medical Systems: Both Cowan and Mendizza express concern about the over-reliance on diagnoses (like ADHD) and medications (like Ritalin), viewing these as misguided attempts to fix something that isn’t broken.